I See it Now
by Upsgirl88
Summary: Short Caryl one-shot of Carol rejoining team Family told from Tobin's POV. "But when you lost to something real - something special… when you lost to the kind of love that he knew Carol and Daryl felt for each other - it made the pill a lot easier to swallow."


He should have ran to her the moment she appeared. It would have been expected, right? She would have expected it, wouldn't she? Yet something made him hang back, hidden amongst the group. Within a matter of seconds he was very glad he'd chosen to wait. The scene unfolding before him was ripping his heart right out of chest, though at the same time there was something so tender and touching that he couldn't look away. He wanted to. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut. He wanted to scream with jealous rage. But he did neither. He just watched.

How long had it been since he'd seen her? Months for sure, but what was it? 3? 4? 5? Time escaped him anymore. Her hair was a bit longer, but still those familiar short grey wisps. She looked good. Wherever she'd been they clearly had food and supplies. She looked healthy and clean - just like the people who lived in Alexandria with him - just like she had the last time he'd seen her.

He'd imagined finding her someday. He'd imagined her coming home, walking through the gate into his waiting arms. He'd imagined tucking her into his embrace, smelling her silky hair, kissing her lips… But that's not what was happening… Well, that wasn't exactly true. Someone had her tucked in his embrace. Someone was touching her hair and wiping the tears off her face. But it wasn't him.

The second Carol saw the group her eyes trained on one man. She hesitated, but only for a second, before she ran to him… straight to him like he was the only one there. He was ready and as she slammed into him at full speed he grabbed her, lifting her off her feet as he spun to absorb the impact. Daryl. She'd ran straight to Daryl.

For about 30 seconds Tobin allowed himself to believe that it didn't mean what it looked like. For those few seconds he decided that Daryl was nothing more than her oldest friend. He knew they'd been together pretty much from the start of the apocalypse. He knew they were close. He assumed they had a sibling relationship almost. Intimate, but not romantic or sexual. But that theory was blown out of the water pretty quickly.

The look on her face told him everything. Carol was in love with Daryl. He'd never seen that look in her eyes, not once, not even close. It wasn't like he'd expected in the short time they were together that Carol would fall in love with him, but there was never a hint of it - and it was clear now why - she'd been in love with Daryl back then too.

Tobin continued to watch them. Others were now looking away - giving the couple as much privacy as they could to share their special moment. But whether it was because he was mesmerized or because he was bitter - he kept watching. Daryl wiped away her tears and he stroked her cheek. Tobin knew how soft her skin was and his hand twitched with envy. They looked at each other, like they were the only two people in the world, for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Carol reached up and touched his lips with her fingertip. Tobin's heart ached - she was going to kiss him, he knew it. He was going to witness their first kiss with the memory of his own first kiss with Carol being pushed further and further away - like it had never happened.

Tobin took a deep breath and held it as Carol inched closer and Daryl bent his head to meet her. Their lips touched and he could almost feel her soft lips from his memories. Daryl pulled her closer and Carol hugged him tight. The kiss was sweet and very tender at first, as if they had some idea they had an audience, but that changed in an instant and Tobin raged with jealousy the more passionate the kiss became. Not once had she ever kissed him like that. Not once had he felt her tongue in his mouth. Not once had she ever seemed that eager. It was always a quick peck, like you'd give a child. Motherly. He thought about the comments he'd made to her that first night… and he finally realized that even though she might have tried to make it different… She'd still been a mom to him - just like she was to most people in Alexandria. But not Daryl. No, not Daryl. She was clearly far from anything motherly to him.

They abruptly stopped kissing and Tobin saw both of them flush pink when they realized once again that they had an audience. Rick swiftly moved in and cut the awkwardness, pulling Carol into his arms for a warm hug. Now that's the kind of hug you give a friend, Tobin thought, glaring at Daryl. But something happened. Something that shocked him. When he looked at Daryl, with those wisps of hair partially covering his eyes, he felt himself soften. The jealousy and the envy… it was still there… somewhere… but the way Daryl was looking at Carol, with so much love and tenderness… it was touching. It should have made him want to punch Daryl in the face but instead he just wanted to shake his hand, give him a big ol' man hug and congratulate him. And that annoyed Tobin deeply.

He closed his eyes and sucked in another long, deep breath. He always had been soft. It wouldn't have mattered if he was completely filled with rage, he wouldn't have confronted Daryl. Even if there was a remote chance that he could fight for Carol and win he probably wouldn't have tried. Guys like me just don't measure up to guys like Daryl, Tobin thought. He's handsome in that rough, bad boy way. He's a hero. He's tough. And he's got a soft side too… The only thing Tobin could compete with was that soft side. He had that. He had a lot of that. Back before the turn it was a good thing. He was a good man. He was desirable, a hard worker, successful in his job - Husband material. But none of that mattered anymore. Women weren't looking for a man like him… even if he'd believed that Carol had been.

Tobin focussed on Carol once again. One by one her and Morgan were being welcomed by most of the group members. I should get in line, Tobin thought, but his feet wouldn't move. He glanced at Daryl and saw how impatient he was having to share her. Who could blame him, Tobin thought with a sigh. He hadn't meant to be so loud and Heath shot him a strange look. He ignored it and looked at the ground.

A voice made him freeze. "Hey," was all she said. Slowly Tobin looked up. "I, um, I assume you're mad at me, but do you think I could at least hug you?" He raised his gaze and met those stunning blue eyes. Without hesitation he opened his arms and she stepped into his embrace. As much as he wanted it to feel romantic - it didn't. That was a ship that had sunk before it left the harbour. It was warm, but that was about it. It was also quick. "I'm not sure how long I'll be staying," Carol said as she stepped back again. "But we should talk - alone," she looked around. No one was close enough to hear them, but she clearly wanted more privacy than that.

Tobin nodded. "It's good to see you," he said, his mouth dry and heart pounding. "I thought you might be…" He didn't finish the statement, she knew. Anytime someone went outside the walls you worried they wouldn't come back alive. Carol was tough and he knew she'd survived out there alone before, but after the letter… they all knew she wasn't the same person anymore.

"I probably would have been if Morgan hadn't found me when he did," she replied, looking fondly in Morgan's direction. It was a much different look than the way she looked at Daryl, but even that gaze made him feel another sting of jealousy. Tobin didn't reply so she continued. "I was surprised to see you out here…"

"Yeah," Tobin replied quickly. "Lost a lot of people… Glenn, Abe… Maggie and Sasha went to hilltop, you, Morgan…" He hadn't wanted to start going out with the others, but he really didn't have a choice. It wasn't any safer behind the walls anymore anyway with Negan in charge. He saw the sadness in Carol's eyes and realized that thankfully she already knew what had happened.

The stood in awkward silence for a moment. "Carol," he said softly. "We don't need to talk later… I get it." She looked up, surprised. "I see it now," Tobin added, trying to smile. "You've never looked more beautiful than you did a few minutes ago." Carol opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't find anything to say so Tobin decided to continue. Might as well get this over with now and they could both move on. "I never saw that look in your eye… And that kiss…" Carol blushed and it made him chuckle. "Sorry," he said, when she looked at him strangely. "It's just all so strange. I want to be mad. I want to hate him. But I can't."

"You're a good man," Carol whispered sincerely.

"Not good enough," he replied. It wasn't bitter or jealous - just true.

"It's not that," Carol tried. "It's just…" she paused.

"I know," Tobin nodded. "I'm not him. I never was. I never can be."

Carol reached out and touched his arm. "I'm so sorry." Her hand lingered and he couldn't decide if he wanted her to hold on longer or just let him go. "How are you? Be honest."

"I'm okay, I really am. Or I will be," he replied, giving her the honesty she wanted. She looked concerned so Tobin offered up a genuine smile. "I want you to be happy. And, I would like it if we could be friends."

"Yeah?" she looked surprised again. He nodded. It was the truth. He didn't wish any ill will on her - or anyone. "I would like that too," Carol replied, finally starting to relax.

Tobin felt Daryl's eyes boring into him. Part of him wanted to hug her again and fire up the redneck's jealous side. It would be so easy to mess with him. But at the end of the day it wasn't going to get him what he wanted - he was smart enough to know that. "I think someone is looking for you," Tobin whispered. Carol glanced over at Daryl and Tobin saw her smile and blush slightly once again. Smitten - that was the only thing he could think to call what he was seeing. It was sweet and he was happy for her, but it still hurt so badly. "He loves you," Tobin said softly. "Go. And promise me one thing…"

Her eyes… God, they were so beautiful. "Anything."

"Tell him how you feel. Be honest with him. And hang on to each other." The words coming out of his mouth both hurt and healed him at the same time. But when you lost to something real - something special… when you lost to the kind of love that he knew Carol and Daryl felt for each other - it made the pill a lot easier to swallow.

"I will," she promised, hugging him again. "Thank you," Carol whispered against his chest. When she let him go Tobin met Daryl's eye and as soon as Carol turned to walk away he held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. Daryl nodded. That was all it took to know they were good.

Tobin knew he had a shit ton of emotions he was going to have to battle through. But he also knew he'd done the right thing. Or at least made himself look like an upstanding guy. Carol didn't have to know he didn't have the balls to step up to Daryl and fight for her. It wasn't what she wanted anyway though, so it didn't matter. She had exactly what she wanted. Tobin watched them again as they got lost in one another. Carol looked like she was floating on air and Daryl wasn't far off.

It was time to move on, but he watched just a little longer. Carol brushed back the hair out of Daryl's eyes and they looked at each other. Then he kissed her again and Tobin watched until it got heated and he needed to look away.

Rick was nearby and he leaned over. "You could have warned me," he said, jerking his head in their direction.

Rick shrugged and sighed. "Fuck, I thought that was gonna happen a few weeks after I first met those two… back on the farm… thought Daryl was going to kill me at the prison when I banished her… then he got her back and still - nothing. But when he found out she was gone again - I knew then. But she was gone - so it didn't matter," Rick explained. He looked over at his friends. "Sorry man, but… It's about fucking time." Rick chuckled and walked off.

Tobin kicked a stick on the ground and headed for the Jeep he'd rode in. You win some, you lose some, he thought. At least he knew Carol was alive and safe - and she was happy. His happiness would come. Someday. Maybe. And there was a silver lining… now that Carol was back for a bit maybe he could get some of those amazing cookies again. He saw her and Daryl walking towards a vehicle still absorbed in one another. Tobin rolled his eyes… if she ever leaves Daryl's damn bedroom.


End file.
